That about sums up my last couple of days!!
We’ve all been there – struggling with self-doubt, feeling overwhelmed, and being overly critical of our own abilities. In my case, the last 2 days have been about self-doubt and some negative emotions linked to my perceived limited IT skills needed to complete a task.
It was time to put an end to this self-inflicted stress and start being kinder to myself!
My simple mantra became, “Stop being so hard on yourself!” and this mantra naturally evolved into a quiet, self-talk word…. “Stop!”
But what did that word actually mean to me and how did it make me feel? It meant pause, breathe, get off your laptop for a bit, clear your mind, allow space for some fresh ideas, re-energise and calm.
We often get caught up on the things that we perceive ourselves to be “rubbish” at. This negative self-talk can create unnecessary stress and hinder our progress. Take a moment for self-reflection and consider whether you’re suffering from imposter syndrome – a phenomenon where individuals doubt their accomplishments and fear being exposed as a fraud. Recognise that you are not alone in this struggle (it’s always interesting to see the many ‘agreement nods’ when it comes up in a conversation), especially when it comes to navigating an environment where you feel less confident or are less familiar with (in this case, for me it was technology).
1. YOUR MINDSET
To break free from this cycle of self-deprecation, it’s essential to shift your mindset from perceiving challenges as threats to viewing them as opportunities for growth and reward.
2. REFRAME YOUR SELF-TALK
Instead of dwelling on thoughts like, “I don’t know where to start” or “it’s going to look rubbish if I do it,” reframe your self-talk. For example, how about saying to yourself, “it will really add to my skills set if I am able to do this” or, “I’ll definitely learn from this experience” or, “once I’ve done it once, it’ll be so much easier next time” or even, “I know exactly the person to help me with this one – it’ll be a great opportunity to work more closely with them.”
In this example, I began to really embrace the idea that the outcome would be great because I would see tangible results. I also acknowledged that it might not be ‘perfect,’ but it would be fit for my specific purpose and that I wouldn’t feel so anxious about doing it the next time.
Did my stress levels change? YES! They most certainly did!
By changing my perspective, I noticed a shift in my emotions, both physical and emotional. The anxiety and self-imposed pressure gradually diminished, and I felt a sense of calm and ‘can-do’ confidence. I also gave myself the headspace to realise that there were options to simplify the process, to have the time to complete the task and to learn from the experience.
3. CELEBRATE THE WINS
Don’t forget to celebrate the small victories along the way and acknowledge your progress. I actually found that I rather enjoyed doing this, the learning taken from it and the outcome. Personal growth, learning and continual development are in my top values so these ticked this box too (another reward for me!) If your goals/aims are congruent with your values, you will feel more driven and motivated to achieve and succeed
Have a look at our Athena Blog, ‘The Importance of Values’
Remember, it’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them. After all, one of life’s greatest rewards is continuous learning and personal development….AND feeling great about yourself!
When Faced With A Challenge, Consider The Following:
- Reframe your thoughts. See the positives and the ultimate rewards that can be gained
- You don’t have to ‘go it alone.’ Seek guidance and support from colleagues or experts in the field…. or just take a pause to have a cuppa and ‘mind’ re-set with a friend
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help – it’s a sign of strength, not weakness
- Be ok with taking yourself out of your comfort zone. Have a look at our Athena Blog, ‘Where the Magic Happens’
- Give yourself headspace. Taking yourself away from the task in hand can really get those creative juices flowing again. Have a look at our Athena Blog, ‘To Walk or Not to Walk – That is the Question’
- Don’t be so hard on yourself. You CAN do this with the right approach and negative self-talk will only serve to hold you back
- Establish a realistic goal, schedule and approaches and aim to commit to it. Break the tasks into manageable chunks and tackle them one step at a time. As you accomplish each milestone, give yourself credit for your efforts. Have a look at our Athena Blog, ‘Setting Goals’
- Reward yourself! Associate the task and outcome with pleasure, not pain. Your brain will recognise and release dopamine (a chemical released in your brain that makes you feel good). What reward will put a smile on your face? Treat yourself to that glass of wine or any other form of self-care that brings you joy.
Remember, you are capable of more than you give yourself credit for. Give yourself permission to be imperfect and embrace the learning journey. By being kinder to yourself and adopting a positive mindset, you’ll not only reduce stress but also cultivate resilience and the ability to overcome obstacles.
So, let go of self-criticism, embrace self-compassion, and repeat your new mantra: “Stop being so hard on yourself!” You deserve kindness, understanding, and encouragement just as much as anyone else.
We can help you to be kinder to yourself.