“If I had an hour to solve a problem and my life depended on the solution, I would spend the first 55 minutes determining the proper question to ask, for once I know the proper question, I could solve the problem in less than five minutes.”
Albert Einstein – Physicist & Nobel Laureate
I LOVE this quote! In our conversations with others, we sometimes need to dig a little deeper to find the real problem and, let’s face it, everyone has problems (or hurdles) to solve – big or small. It’s life!
I was having a chat with someone recently about Unconscious Bias and ways to overcome it. The Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Meta Model, designed by Grinder and Bandler in 1975, which uses questions to clarify imprecise language was discussed.
What are Meta Model Questions (it sounds a bit scary doesn’t it)?
The model is a linguistic tool used to help clear ambiguities in language and clarify if what they are saying is indeed what they mean. By using this model, you can gain an insight into someone’s thought process and speech patterns.
Clever stuff huh? It’s also not that difficult to apply if, like me, you like to keep things simple 😉
NLP* Meta Model Questions are essentially a simple questioning technique that prompts someone to explore and clarify their thinking, recover and confront information that they may be avoiding, and remove & re-check their assumptions and generalisations. This, in turn, can change their thinking and language. Hence it being one example in ‘tackling’ unconscious bias.
This blog is an overview so, if you want to know more, have a look at the sources below:
The essence of Meta Model Questions comes down to breaking down conversations into three broad areas of misinterpretation – generalisation, deletion, and distortion.
Generalisation is what happens when we apply our experiences, thoughts, and beliefs generically into situations that are similar in nature.
Generalisation leads to false assumptions.
Deletion is also referred to as called ‘selective listening’ which means paying attention to only certain portions of our experience and excluding the remaining portions of the same experience. For instance, this sentence “I know he doesn’t like me”, consists of several deletions, like – Who doesn’t like the speaker? What specific actions led to his conclusion?
Deletion leads to blind spots that are essential to know about.
Distortion takes place when we twist or distort an action or behaviour and draw a conclusion that may be very different from the reality. For instance, “He read my message and didn’t respond to me – that means he is avoiding me,” When we make this conclusion, we are failing to consider other possibilities of the situation, for example, he is busy or has an emergency.
Distortions lead to misrepresentations, misunderstandings, and fantasies.
How does the Meta Model Help?
With the help of Meta Model Questions, you can identify these misrepresentations and address them appropriately. This is done by asking a series of questions based on the statement heard, identifying the misrepresentation taking place, and addressing them to enable that person to recognise their own generalisations, deletions, and distortions. This tool is especially helpful in setting your goals, modifying or changing behaviour patterns or having more self-aware conversations.
Have look at a few examples* of Meta Model Questions below:
*read more in the links above for further detail as meta model patterns can be further ‘categorised’.
Generalisation: “He’s the type of person who irritates people”
Response: “According to whom?” “Who specifically does he irritate?”
Deletion: “She never listens to people”
Response: “When specifically?”, “Who say this?”
Distortion: “It leads to problems when people act this way”
Response: “What do you mean by that?”, “What will happen if they act that way?” “What will happen if they don’t?”
Some Top Tips:
1. Step into a place of curiosity instead of judgment. What matters is the map of that person’s world.
2. Set the frame, purpose and intention of the conversation. For example, “This conversation will last 60 minutes and is intended to understand the issue in more detail and find workable solutions”.
3. Use specific or precise words to clarify the specific instruction or task, e.g.
Nouns: who / what / which exactly / specifically?
Verbs: how / when / where / with whom exactly / specifically?
Think about consequences: what would happen if you did / didn’t?
Challenge generalisations: are there any exceptions?
4. Paraphrase sentences and keep calibrating to ensure that you are both on the same page with the most accurate version of all the information.
5. Know when to stop. The aim is to gather as many relevant details as possible (the past, present and future). For example, you can find out how something works, what their problems are like, who is involved and in what way, what they need, what helps them make a decision, etc.
Linking back to the conversation mentioned earlier, Meta Model questioning is one of the most powerful tools you can employ. It’s seemingly simple, but when utilised intentionally and with awareness it has the potential to help someone recover a lot of their unconscious biases and assumptions that are coming in the way of their growth.
Give it a go 😊